Talking About Your Feelings

How many feelings can you name? Happy, sad, scared? That's a good start. Can you name some more? How about playful, joyful, calm? Mad, upset, worried. Confused, lonely, nervous. Grateful, glad, cosy. Loved, friendly, peaceful. There are so many feelings to name. Try coming up with some of your own.

No matter how you feel — good or bad — it helps to put your feelings into words. Talking about feelings can help you feel close to people who care. It can help you feel better when you're sad or scared.

Putting feelings into words helps you use self-control when you feel mad or upset. If your little brother took something of yours, you can say, "Hey, I'm annoyed that you took that without asking me. Next time, please ask." No need to get in a big fight over it. Just say how you feel and why, without yelling.

Know Your Feelings

It's easier to talk about your feelings if you know how you feel and why. Try these easy steps:

1. Think of the name for how you feel. (Let's say you feel nervous.)

2. Think of why you feel that way. (Let's say you are nervous because you have a spelling test tomorrow.)

3. Put them together into words. (Say to yourself, "I feel nervous about my spelling test tomorrow.")

If you don't know why you feel a certain way, you can still talk about it. You can say, "I feel upset but I don't know why."

Pick Someone to Talk to

A parent, grandparent, or a friend can be a good person to talkto. It's easier than you think. You can start by going to the person and

saying, "Can we talk for a minute?" Then say how you feel and why. Let the other person listen. Maybe they will give you advice or say something kind. Maybe they will help you laugh or give you a hug. They may say, "Don't worry, I'll help you learn your spelling words." Just saying how you feel and why helps you start to feel better. It helps to know you are not alone with a problem or worry.

Talk About Feelings Any Time

You don't have to wait for a big problem to talk about your feelings. You can say how you feel any time. It's a good thing to practice.

Talking about feelings doesn't have to be a big talk. You can make a short and simple comment. Like this:

"Dad, I'm really glad we're having pizza tonight! Thanks!"

"I'm excited about the game tonight. I think the coach will let me start."

"I'm so relieved because I did really well on my maths test!"

"Ifelt so awkward when I asked Sam to my party, and I was so happy when he said he’d come!"

You don't have to talk about every feeling you have. But noticing your feelings and saying how you feel and why is good practice. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Talking about your feelings is a healthy way to express them. And when you have difficult feelings you need to talk over,

you'll be ready.

If you take care of yourself and get enough sleep and food, and if you exercise and leave time for fun stuff, you'll probably be less stressed out!

SAD

Feeling sad? You're not alone. Everyone feels sad at times. Sometimes sad feelings last only a moment. Other times, they last a little longer.

It’s OK to feel sad. But sad feelings don't have to take over your mood or ruin your day. You can do things to help yourself feel better. When sad feelings ease away, a happier mood can take their place.

When you're in a sad mood, it can seem like it will last forever. But most of the time, sad feelings don't last very long. They might last only a few moments. Or they might last a little longer.

It's OK to feel sad sometimes. And it’s good to know how to help yourself feel better when you’re ready. So here are some things every child should know:

• You can cope when sad things happen.

• A positive attitude helps you cope.

• When you’re sad, it helps to tell someone how you feel.

• You can do things to help yourself feel better.

• If you feel depressed, you should talk to an adult so they can help you.

How Can I Cope When Sad Things Happen?

Lots of things can make kids feel sad. They might be big things or small things. Most of the time, it helps to:

Name how you feel. Just tell yourself (or someone else) that you feel sad. “I’m feeling sad.” Simple, right? But don’t dwell on it too long, or give it too much drama. Then try to figure out why you feel that way. Name that part, too. “I’m sad because my team lost.”

Know you’re not alone. When you’re sad, try not to get upset with yourself. There's a reason you feel the way you do. “We lost – and I really wanted us to win. Now we can’t go to playoffs.” It’s natural to feel sad when something doesn’t work out as you hoped. “I guess other children feel sad when they lose a big game.” Be kind and patient with yourself. Your sadness will pass, and you'll feel better.

Take a few calm belly breaths. It can help to sit with your sad feeling for a few minutes. While you’re doing that, take a few easy, slow, calm breaths. Close your eyes if you want. Let your belly expand when you breathe in. Let your belly get flat when you breathe all the air out. Notice how you feel after you take three or four calm, slow breaths like this. Maybe some of your sadness has floated away. (There is a video demonstration at the end of this page)

Keep a can-do attitude. When things don't go your way, don't give up. Tell yourself, “Oh well. It didn’t work out this time. But there's always next time.” Don’t blame yourself. Give yourself credit for trying. Then focus on what you need to work on. Get ready to try again.

What Else Can I Do to Feel Better?

If you tried those things, you might already feel better. But here are more things that can help when you’re feeling sad:

Get support. Tell someone how you feel. You could tell a parent, a teacher, or a friend. They can listen to how you feel. After they listen, they might say, “No wonder you feel that way, I see why you feel sad.” It helps to know they understand.

Sometimes, that’s all you need to start feeling better. Other times, you want to talk more about what you feel sad about. Talking about how you feel helps you get ready to feel better.

Think about good things. When you’re ready to feel better, think of a few good things. Was there something good in your day? Was someone kind? Did something go well? You can think of other good things, too. Like your favourite books, games, or shows. Think of the people, places, or pets you love. These are all good things.

Write some good things down, say them out loud, or draw them. Even if you’re not in the mood to do this, try it anyway. It’s hard to stay sad when you’re thinking about good things.

Put yourself in a good mood. Shake off a sad mood by doing things that put you in a brighter mood. Play a game or sport, ride a bike, dance or run. Take a walk, make something crafty or play music. Read, or spend time with someone you like. Relax, or get active. Have some fun, and feel better.

Learning to cope with sad feelings takes practice. But it helps you make room for more positive feelings.

What If I Feel Depressed?

Some sad feelings go on for too long, hurt too deeply, and make it hard to enjoy things. This deep sadness is called depression. People of any age can feel depressed – even children.

Children might feel depressed if they have been sad or lonely for a long time, or if they have had too much stress or hardship. Children might feel depressed if they are apart from people they love or if their family is going through hard times or if a loved one has died.

Children who feel depressed may need extra help to feel better. If you feel depressed, or if you have sad feelings that will not go away, talk about it with an adult you trust. You could tell a parent, relative, doctor, teacher or coach. They can make sure you get the help you need to feel better. Some children talk to a counsellor when they have sad feelings that are hard to cope with. This helps a lot.

There is always somebody to talk to when you are sad or depressed. You feel better when someone knows what you're going through. The other person can do things to make the situation better, too.

It helps to talk about what's wrong, but be sure to talk together about good things, too. Paying attention to the good stuff (especially during sad times) can make you feel more hopeful. That really matters when you’re feeling sad or depressed.

ANGER

Everybody gets angry sometimes. Being angry doesn't really solve much — but what people do when they feel angry is important. The goal is to calm yourself down and try to solve whatever problem is bothering you. This is hard for some kids (and adults, too). Instead of calming down, some kids might keep getting more and more upset until they explode like a volcano!

Some children get angry more often or more easily than others. Their anger might be so strong that the feeling gets out of control and causes them to act in ways that are unacceptable and hurtful. People might say children like this have a temper, which is a term for acting angry and out of control. When people say that someone has trouble controlling their temper, they usually mean that a child misbehaves when feeling angry or frustrated.

Some children might get so angry that they scream at their parents, punch the wall, slam doors, break something, or — worse yet — hit a brother or sister. Children are allowed to express their feelings, even angry ones, but it's not OK for anyone to do any of those things.

Children don't want to (or mean to) act this way — but sometimes angry feelings can be hard to manage. So what do you do if your temper is getting you into trouble?

Try This!

Well, the good news is that children don't just have to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You can train your temper the same way you might train a puppy. Huh? That's right, we said a puppy.

If you've ever played with puppies, you know they are sweet but a little out of control. Their tails wag furiously and they might tear apart your sneakers or nip at anyone passing by. Oh dear, what can you do with your puppy? Training is the answer.

In the same way, you can train your temper. Imagine your temper as a puppy inside you that needs some training. The puppy is not bad — it will probably turn out to be a great dog. It just needs to learn some rules because, right now, that puppy is causing some problems for you.

You don't want to keep getting in trouble for the way you act when you're angry. You probably even feel bad afterward if you've hurt someone's feelings or broken a toy you liked. So let's get that puppy trained.

Here are some things to try anytime, even when you're not angry:

• Get lots of physical activity. Play outside. Do sports you like. Karate or boxing can be good for children who are trying to get their tempers under control. But any activity that gets your heart pumping can be good because it's a way of burning off energy and stress. It feels good to boot that football or hit that golf ball!

• Talk to a trusted adult. If you're having trouble with your temper, the time to talk about it is before you have another angry outburst. Tell your parents that you're trying to do a better job of controlling yourself. Ask for their help and ideas for how you could do this better. Maybe if you go a whole week without a meltdown, they can take you out for a treat. Let them know that if you do get really angry, you're going to ask for their help.

• Put feelings into words. Get in the habit of saying what you're feeling and why. Tell your parents, "I feel angry when you tell me it's time to stop playing and read my book." And your parent will probably say (kindly), "I know — no one likes stopping playing. But it's your job and you need to do it anyway." So using words won't get you out of taking out reading (sorry!), but it might stop you from slamming the door, having a fit about the reading, or doing something else that could get you in trouble. Using words helps people manage their strong feelings and behaviors.

• Take control. Who's in charge here — you or that wild little puppy? Decide that you're going to be in charge. Don't let those angry feelings make you do stuff you don't want to do.

Four Important Steps

The real test comes the next time you get so mad you could just explode. But don't explode. Put a lead and collar on that puppy with these four steps:

1. Take a break from the situation. If you're in an argument with someone, go to another part of your house. Your room or the backyard are good choices. Just say, "I want to be alone for a while so I can calm down."

2. Put yourself in a timeout. If you're feeling angry and think you need a timeout to calm down, don't wait for a parent to tell you — go ahead and take a timeout for yourself. Let your family know that when you're taking a timeout, they need to respect your space and leave you alone to calm yourself down. For kids old enough to do it for themselves, a timeout isn't a punishment: It's a cool-down. While you're sitting in your timeout place, try this cool-down exercise: Put your hands under the seat of the chair and pull up while you count to 5. Then stretch your arms over your head. Take a nice deep breath and let it out. One child who tried these steps said he used this time to think about the consequences — like getting in trouble if he let his temper go wild.

3. Get the anger out. We don't want you punching walls (or even punching pillows), but why not do a bunch of jumping jacks or dance around your room to your favorite music? Turn it up a little. If you go outside, run around or do cartwheels across the lawn. You also could pick up your pen and write it all down. What made you so upset? Keep writing until you've covered everything. If you don't like writing, just draw a picture that helps you express your feelings. Use strong colors and strong lines to show your strong feelings.

4. Learn to shift. You'll have to work hard to do this. This is where you get that puppy under control. The idea is to shift from a really angry mood to a more in-control mood. After you get some of the angry feelings out, you have to start thinking about other things. Sometimes, when people are angry, they're not really thinking clearly. They're just mad, mad, mad. Only angry thoughts are flying around their brains. A person might even say mean things to himself or herself, like "I'm such an idiot. I lost my temper again!" But you can replace those thoughts with better ones. For instance, you can say, "I lost my temper, but I'm going to get myself under control now." Instead of thinking of the person or situation you're angry with, think of something else. Think of something that will put you in a better mood.

A Tough Question

What if it's a problem that can't be solved? Like being angry about your parents' divorce or wanting a later bedtime? Or when you just can't get your way about something? Some stuff children get angry about can't be changed. For instance, if your mum says it's time to stop playing your video game and go to bed, what can you do? She's not changing her mind and you have to get some sleep. Man, that really stinks! You were almost to level 4!

But even if you get really angry, she won't budge. And even if you knock over a chair, you'll still have to stop playing your game. But now you might have an extra penalty for knocking over the chair. Maybe she'll say you aren't allowed to play your game tomorrow! That would be very bad news — you'd have to wait even longer to get to level 4.

Though it's one of the toughest things to learn, it might be best just to tell yourself, "OK, stop the game and get to bed." Some arguments you'll be able to win, but this probably isn't one of them.

That doesn't mean you'll never get your way. You will be able to get your way sometimes. Bigger kids, like you, can learn to make their points calmly without losing it. This approach usually works better with everyone, especially parents. When you do this, you're controlling that wild little puppy inside you. You're in charge instead of that little rascal with the wagging tail.

Have you been wondering why we asked you to think of your temper as a puppy? A puppy is young and loveable — just like you — and wonderful to be around, especially when it keeps its temper under control!

Yoga

Yoga and You

When you hear the word yoga, do you think of a person with his legs twisted up like a pretzel? If so, it may seem like yoga is very complicated or just for adults. Not true!

Children can do yoga for the same reasons grown-ups do: because it feels good to stretch out your body, slow down your breathing, and relax your mind. Yoga can help you feel calmer when life is busy and stressful. Aaahh…

What You Need

Anytime you start a new exercise routine, it's a good idea to check with a parent. A yoga class can be a great way to get started because the instructor can teach you how to get into the poses.

Find a large-enough space with few distractions. No TV or people, if possible. Wear comfortable workout clothes and no shoes or socks. A yoga mat can be helpful because it cushions a bit and keeps your feet from slipping. Yoga should not hurt, so go slow and ease into position. Go only as far as you comfortably can.

Why Yoga for Stress?

When you get stressed or nervous, many things can help you feel better. Talking with someone — a parent, friend or teacher — is a great idea because they can help you figure out what's wrong and start coming up with solutions.

In addition, you can ease stress through exercise. You probably know exercise is good for your health, but it's also a proven way to put you in a better mood. So it makes sense that yoga is a favourite activity among people who want to feel stronger and more relaxed.

Yoga includes a lot of stretching, but that's not all. Yoga also focuses on breathing and meditation, which means thinking calm thoughts. Practicing yoga is a chance to learn stretching/breathing/thinking skills that you can use to calm yourself down the next time you feel worried or overwhelmed. In other words, yoga can help your body stay loose and relaxed when things heat up!

Think Good Thoughts

Meditation is part of a stress-relieving yoga practice. Meditation means being calm, quiet, and focused. Some people call this "feeling centered." When you are feeling centered, you can do your best in stressful situations such as taking a test or working through a disagreement with a friend.

Try these meditation exercises:

• Take a yoga holiday: Find a quiet, private place, like your bedroom. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Imagine a place where you feel safe and relaxed. Is it your best friend's garden? Your grandma's house? Camping in the woods? Imagine yourself in this place for 3–5 minutes. You'll feel much calmer after your "yoga holiday."

• Positive pictures: When you're feeling stressed about a big test, game, or performance, it can help to imagine it going really well. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Picture yourself feeling prepared for your test, kicking the winning goal in soccer, or reading your lines and getting a laugh from the audience. Of course, positive pictures can't take the place of actual preparation, but can help you feel confident!

If you meditate for just 5 minutes a day, it will help you feel good even when you're not meditating. The more you do it, the more it becomes part of your routine, like brushing your teeth or lacing up your togs before a rugby match.

Breathe Deep

On one hand, you already know how to breathe. You're doing it right now! But learning how to breathe in yoga practice can help you notice how your breathing changes when you're anxious or upset. Often, when you start to feel nervous or uncomfortable, your breathing may get faster and you might not breathe as deeply. Once you tune in to your breath, you can try belly breathing.

Get Up and Move!

There are many different yoga poses. Some can help you stretch the neck, shoulders and back, which are most likely to get tense when you are nervous or stressed.

Try these two yoga poses when you want to de-stress yourself:

• Surprise/Sourpuss: Open your mouth wide and bug out your eyes, then scrunch your face up into a little ball and pucker your lips. Alternate back and forth between "surprise" and "sourpuss." Do this while you're studying at home to help loosen up your face and jaw, which can get really tense while you're studying. If you have a study partner, make a game of it! Who can make the silliest face?

• Shoulder gymnastics: Do a few gentle shoulder rolls right before a test to keep your shoulders nice and loose while you work. You can even do them during a test if you need a refreshing break.

Have Fun With Yoga

Yoga can help you in serious ways, but it also can be a lot of fun. You can smile during yoga, and even laugh, which is a great stress reliever too. Yoga can be done alone or with friends. And you can do it at home, at a yoga studio, or in the park.

We'll end with a special Sanskrit greeting — namaste (say: NAH-mus-tay). It's traditionally said at the end of a yoga practice and it means the light inside of me bows to the light inside of you. Namaste.